Punch-Out

Nintendo's bringing Punch-Out to the Wii next year, but as a huge Mike Tyson's Punch-Out fan, I've got some reservations.

It's certainly nice to see King Hippo, Glass Joe and Little Mac back, but I can't help but feel that the cel-shaded graphics are inferior to the glorious cartoon caricatures of Super-Punch Out!

And then there's simply that shocked feeling of branding sacrilege that makes me sashay around the room, indignantly "Well! I never!"-ing. No matter how many women he has monstrously violated or ears he has chewed off, the franchise should always be proud of its association with Mike Tyson, a boxer so masterful in the original NES game that he telescopes his punches with sly forecasting winks and communicates entirely in chiptune farting noises.

But the main fear is that Nintendo is going to demand everyone play this using the execrable Wii Sports boxing method, in which the Wiimote and Nunchuck are held in the hands, each punch physically thrown. It sounds great in theory, but Wii Sports' implementation of this controlling method could only be successfully employed by Ritalin-goofed, seizure-prone children dizzy on instant lemonade powder without causing one's heart to explode.

Still, it's great to see Punch-Out again. And bravo to making Glass Joe bleed croissants. I wasn't aware he was supposed to be French, but it makes sense!